Phantom of the Opera???

I seriously doubt it, but there must be a phantom of some sort lurking in my shop! There's got to be some extraordinary explanation, for Pete's sake! Tools keep disappearing... screws and nails never seem to be where I left them. Phantom, yes? The only other possible explanation for losing my screws would be that I'm going completely bonkers, and we don't want to admit to that, do we? Of course, we don't! So, now that we're convinced I have some creepy phantom or, at the very least, a mischievous elf hiding in the dark recesses of the shop, I can stop shopping for anti-dementia medications. Whew! I feel much better - thanks!

We all know this coming Friday is the dreaded, but much anticipated "Black Friday". Most of us have some vague idea of what we'll be doing - I, for one, will almost certainly be nursing a stuffed belly and regretting that extra piece of Lemon Meringue pie, but I've yet to decide on whether, or not, to brave the long lines and stores filled with ruthless elderly shoppers. Only once in my life have I dared enter a store on the day when only the most seasoned of holiday shoppers emerge unscathed. I remember it like it was yesterday...
It was cliche. I roamed the mall while on my quest to find the "life sized" Barbie doll my daughter had asked Santa for. Keeping one eye on other shoppers, a hand on my wallet, and the other eye on signs - oh, the signs - everywhere! Signs marked with percentages off this item, buy one, get one free, $'s off the manufacturers suggested retail price!! I could feel the security cameras on me, watching my every move, and the little old ladies waiting to pounce like lionesses hunting their prey. Then, through the brightly lit isles of toys, perfumes and jewelry, I saw it! Finally!! Six hours, four malls, and countless department stores later, I finally found it! The last one! There it was, in all it's glory, waiting for it's new home. I looked around - no one else seemed interested, so I darted through the human-crammed isles, focused, momentarily fearless, and feebly attempting to hide my interest in the child sized monument to perfect femininity. I was upon her, mere feet away from securing the great Christmas my daughter was not only hoping for, but expecting, when out of nowhere the Grinch snatched her! The miniature Grinch stared at me with her cold, deep-set eyes as if saying, "Go ahead, make my day!" For a woman in her 70's she was incredibly sure of herself and awfully feisty. I decided not to make her day, and instead made my way to yet another store, where I found abundant Barbies in stock. I had escaped almost certain annihilation and have since regained my dignity... so, the question is: To shop Black Friday in "real-life", or to shop online.

The decision is an easy one: STAY HOME, where it's safe from the hordes of evil holiday shoppers... where a man can maintain his dignity and shop from his manly woodshop! ;)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!
James